Nobody said it was easy...

It's been seven years....everything remains fresh but at least now its tolerable

I remember it just like it was yesterday...fall of 2005. I spent the morning in Little Italy. That same day, I passed by La Mela where we had our very first lunch together just near the 6. The weather was brisk with a hint of the upcoming winter. It's my favorite time of the year in NYC. I remembered the smell of roses, love, and excitement filled the air.

Your cousin was about to get married in Long Island. Everyone in your family whom I've spent the last 4 years getting to know was there. The marriage was the talk of the town. I spent the whole month preparing for the black tie affair. It was similar to a wedding I have dreamed we might have had. It was their beginning....to others it might be an end.

I still remember how many complimented how lovely we were as a couple. I worked so hard to make you proud to have me in your arms. We ate, we laughed, and even cried a little. You danced with your mom in your tux the same time your Dad took my hands as if I was his daughter. I have never felt like I've belonged...I knew then that you were the one.

We came back to our hotel, overwhelmed with celebration, ....and just like I do every night, I said "Goodnight and I love you". You turned away and went to sleep.

That Sunday morning was cold. The skies are the typical NY grey. We ate and had brunch at a local spot. I still remember how you drove us in your old red Cutlass Sierra; the car that made me fall in love with you in 2003.

We arrived at the train station and stood on the platform. On one corner, I see the light and hear the sound of a calling NYC bound train slowly approaching to our station and you were standing right in front me interestingly wearing the jacket you were wearing the first time we met. I looked into your half teary eyes. Your touch was distant and your look pierced into my heart. "Why do I feel like this is the last time I would ever see you again"?, I asked of you. You looked aside did not respond. I turned around, got into the train and I never saw you or spoke to you ever again.

It took me two 4th of Julys to let go of you. The last summer we spent together ended that weekend of 4th of July. Broome and Mulberry, Macy's thanksgiving parade, and I luvs pizza will always be a painful reminderr of what we had. Every time I made Stroganoff, it was a dedication to our love.

I heard word you moved to LA a year later. You then have a new gf and married her 3 years later.

Independence Day of 2009, I felt freedom again. I'm a bit stronger but my heart remains weak at the end of it all.

Perhaps many will find this enough of a reason why I have always chosen to run away. Please know that It was never you.

I was always a mess but now I'm just a far more interesting mess.....