"Life is like a beautiful melody, only sometimes the lyrics are messed up."

THE DIFFERENT OF MANY

Children often reminds many of us of innocence, ignorance, and perhaps a life's true unconditional love and joy. I wish I could remember what it was like to just be a child.

I always knew differently. I knew we were poor. I knew I'm not like other kids in my school. My discipline comes from the wisdom I gathered from the streets, babies I held in my arms, school teachers, cousins, and even maids.

As a child, I have kept a vivid memory of what school was like. Every morning, I walked a quarter of a mile of what seemed like 3 miles for a 7 year old child. From the main avenue, you'd turn right into the town's main plaza. On your right will be the town stage, a basketball court, and a clinic. On the left is the church and the town hall. I have walked that plaza hundreds of times for 7 years.

As you walk closer to the school, you face that once green but now brown rusted steel gate. There you will see a line of students alongside their parents. They look at each other holding hands saying "It's going to be alright". In their white and blue uniforms, the boys sport their backpacks and the girls with their cutest lunch pails. Behind them is a child that always longed for that same affection - wearing the uniforms that my grandma made her and the only pair of socks, wet from last night's rain, holding a brown manila envelope that holds her #1 pencil, crayolas, and a notebook. That kid was me.

They always seem to leave me. I never leave with them. My only childhood memory of a parent is the day when my mom left me and my sister. I was 9 then.

I often avoided questions about parents. As I child, growing up with no parents is almost synonymous to having both your legs injured but yet you learn to get used to the pain and walk with pride anyway. When parents are not around, it's usually because they are abroad, making lots of money, but they are supposed to come back showering every one in the family with money from their months away of labor. It's deemed sensational because it may mean new clothes, good food, and temporary happiness and freedom away from the pains of poverty. Very little awareness were considered upon what it may mean to a lonely child.

Finally, at 13, I left with them, instead of being just left. It was the closest thing that I have seen in way of family. Despite of the many hardships and tears spent on that yellow 2 bedroom trailer home, I smile for the many hours spent as a family surrounding a glass table for nights of chili, tacos, and episodes of Full House. There I lived with a family of strangers in a town just as strange to me; no steel gates, brown envelopes, or uniforms.

"SADLY I DO"

I left almost 6 years later. My outlook in life is now often questioned for not having been around since then.....for my life is different and I haven't seen much of reality for a while. Sadly, I do and still understand. After all, I am older and have seen more than many around me can remember consciously; some I don't necessarily even want to remember.

"LUCK OF THE DRAW"

Many of you are so lucky. I smile whenever I see a child at Disneyland enjoying an $80 dollar ticket to the park, eating their $5 ice cream. I smile when I see training wheels on a bike and seeing a fearful parent half excited and half concerned teaching their child riding a bike. I smile when I see parks with children playing with their parents or when I see a child riding on Daddy's shoulders trying to get up on a slide. Be grateful. Many never got to see or feel any of those.

"TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE"

On my way back from Utah, I called mom. I hung up for I began to cry. You're so close yet you feel so far again. I wanted to make you feel how much I love you yet I feel so helpless and so far away from you. I feel just like I am 9 again. Your pain is mine. All I want is to also make you happy.

"BE GRATEFUL"

I read this waking up this morning - Brandon and Eric - you have enlightened me :)

"Life is like a beautiful melody, only sometimes the lyrics are messed up."

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let you down, probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend and you might even fall in love. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing so fast. So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt because every minute you spend mad or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

"So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.' " A moment with God in Utah