A mediocre person tells. A good person explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see for themselves.“
- Harvey Mackay
Another year has been a true testament to patience, compassion, and unconditional love. I have learned the gift of relationships that are based on selfless compromises, open communication, and opening your heart and accepting love from new people in your life.
She was a part of my history. I fell in love with you and accepted you as my mother for the first years of my life. I love the clothes you made me. I always felt beautiful wearing them. I remember this black white and yellow shirt I used to front. It was different, it was unknowingly me as a child. It was my special shirt every week.
I just chose to look away even when I felt that every year I was replaced by another favorite. I was never mad at you. I never disrespected you. I treated you fairly in the midst of anger, pain, and sorrows from neglected feelings to others that your love have caused. Your love was tolerable but often came with pain. I was told to gain wisdom from you but sadly I have learned those wisdom from strangers instead.
Please don't misunderstand. I grieve differently and often times silently. I don't speak my pain. I laugh relentlessly through stress only to be disregarded carelessly. I don't like when others see me cry. I've already felt sorry for myself enough.
I cannot look at you when you're in pain. The way you hold my hands is unbearable. I wish I could be the one to let you go. You need God's embrace.
I reached out to both of you. I want to be good to both of you. You both accepted the love that you both think you deserve. You get mad at me for you know I think you can accept and deserve better. You denied me many things I wanted in life but yearly I learned to forgive. I tried to include you but you both never included me. I tried to tell you and I just feel ignored. I try but our values get in the way. I wish it was easier to see things my way.
I was always good to you. I wanted to give you the world. I cry when I think you're in pain. We do our best to give you the love that you think you think you deserve but your words, your decisions hurt us sometimes. Sometimes I think that distance would help but you're the one who's supposed to show us guidance and unconditional love. But sometimes, it seems like you put others before us.
We all want to explain. You don't really listen what our heart is telling you. The best thing we learned is just to say sorry and do it your way. I could never imagine not having you in our lives. Truth of the matter is we need you. I need you. You're the only one I have that's close to kin but you hurt me sometimes. You just do.
I am beyond happy. I have never been this happy in my life. I want to share it to everyone I love. I am not boasting but I am proud of who I have become and for what he has made me become; an even better person.
Thank you for sharing a year of love with me, putting up with my faults, and seeing beyond the Beyonce half time walk.
